The Break-Up: Learning to Live Life in the Broken Pieces
By Kimberly Phinney
I screwed up—as I often do.
I haven’t been quite right with my coordination since getting sepsis and having to relearn many of my fine motor skills for daily tasks—like writing, cutting vegetables, and doing the dishes… And because of this, I am always fumbling, forgetting, and most certainly breaking things I shouldn’t.
But back to my screwup: So yesterday, I was picking up a bit after our July 4th party with our friends and church family, and I clumsily knocked over one of my potted orchids. It shattered all over the tile floor into a million little pieces.
Afterward, all I could do was stand over them in overwhelm as I choked back tears. For such a SMALL mistake, I had a very OVERSIZED response:
I am so tired of breaking things.
I am so tired of things breaking.
I am so tired of breaking:
breaking down…
breaking apart…
hearts breaking…
everything breaking…
Clearly, this wasn’t about the flowerpot.
I could feel myself losing my cool and playing a bad game of “Connect the Dots: Anxiety Edition.” So, I breathed in deeply, looked up at the ceiling, and murmured the most compact prayer I know: “Help!”
Funny enough, my dilemma reminded me of the hilarious Anne Lamott, who writes about her frantic “Help!” prayer in her book Help, Thanks, Wow: Three Essential Prayers. And I had to smile a little.
So, I knew I needed to reframe and center myself on God’s goodness in my life rather than all the broken pieces I’ve been carrying for so long, and I knew I needed to recall everything I have learned along the way.
And then, like clockwork, my higher-self stepped in:
Who cares if I broke the flowerpot? Or the coffee mug weeks before? And every little thing before that. I’m alive, gosh darn it! I am fighting to keep going! And that’s really great!
The truth is things will break. And sometimes, we will break, too.
Actually, breaking is a guarantee. And I know you probably don’t want to hear this because I didn’t, but breaking can be good for us. Have you ever heard of post traumatic growth? It’s a thing. Oftentimes, it takes a “breaking season” for us to finally come alive to the many things we were missing in our lives, our faith, and the world around us.
Quite simply, breaking shakes us, wakes us, and can even make us.
The Bible shows us this time and again, and the modern sciences are finally catching up in the research with this phenomenon of strength and growth after trauma.
So, not all is lost when we break. As they say, the cracks are where the light gets in. Ernest Hemingway even wrote about this in his magnum opus, A Farewell to Arms, penning "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
When we break, what matters is what we do with the pieces and where we go with what’s left in the aftermath.
As I write this, I am reminded of the many stories I’ve heard and read over the years of artists salvaging broken glass or ceramics and using them to create brand-new masterpieces that would have never existed if the original did not break.
Or what about the art of kintsugi? This ancient Japanese process of “golden repair” melds broken pottery back together with gold, making the original piece not only stronger but more beautiful.
This is what God does with us, and we are biologically and spiritually wired to do the same if we choose resilience over defeat.
So, my Anne Lamott-styled “Help!” prayer worked out after all. Once I reorientated myself with the opportunities that come from our broken pieces, I quickly rebounded and saw the pot and plant as an extension of myself—something that deserved care. I saw my broken pieces that had a right to be acknowledged and held, no matter how sharp. I saw a shattered pot that was the old walls I needed to break up and move on from. I saw a dormant orchid who was long-forgotten in the dark corner of our home—an orchid who was going to bloom again one day if given the things she needed—an orchid who was also worthy of a new larger pot for when she did—an orchid who was worthy of joining the outdoor plants for the belonging and light she so deserved all along.
I think you see where I am going with this, but did you know that YOU are that orchid, too? Yes, life will beat you up. Sometimes, you will break. The pot you’ve been so comfortable in will shatter, and it will take ALL you have to survive it.
Perhaps it already has.
Will you let your Maker pick up your broken pieces and hold you? Will you allow yourself to find new places, spaces, and people to love? Will you allow yourself to stretch, cry, heal, and grow? To find a new way of being? To do whatever is necessary to bloom again?
And will you do the same for others? Will you hold them in their brokenness—even if they are sharp around the edges? Even if you don’t understand?
I hope you will. I hope I will.
To those who mourn, God promises in Isaiah 6 that He gives “beauty for ashes” and the “oil of joy for our mourning.” For those who are crushed in spirit, He gives a “garment of praise.”
Don’t you see it?
Yes, we will break. Yes, our lives may shatter. But time and again, God shows up, giving us breakthroughs for our breakdowns and boundlessness for our brokenness. What a divine exchange rate!
I am walking and breaking and learning and growing right alongside you, friend. And I am praying and believing that we will find the inner strength and supernatural faith we need in order to endure our broken pieces and one day bloom again!
You belong here,
me
LEFT TO RIGHT: Here are the pictures of my incident that inspired this essay and reflection. It was therapeutic for me to process my pain and the lessons God is teaching me through photography and writing. Plus, I get to share it with you, which is a double blessing!
KIMBERLY PHINNEY
Kimberly Phinney is a mom, wife, and child of God. As a professional helper and artist, Kimberly is an English professor, as well as a counselor and photographer. Her writing has been published in Ekstasis, Fathom, Calla Press, Humana Obscura, The Dewdrop, and more. After surviving a severe form of Stage 4 Endometriosis and sepsis in 2021, she is now earning her doctorate in counseling to help the marginalized and suffering. She is the founder and editor of this faith community and literary journal, The Way Back to Ourselves, and was recently featured on ABC News and Good Morning America for her national teaching award and the compelling health story surrounding it. As a mental health and disabilities advocate, Kimberly hopes to use her life, story, and art to help others find their way back to wholeness and faith in a world that has forgotten how. She is glad you are here.