I have entered the season of Advent in a cloud of confusion and disillusionment. Hobbling toward Christmas, I feel as though a swarm of gnats is swirling around my head, my body, my very essence. For reasons I can neither see nor discern, I feel like I am being shaken upside down for my lunch money. Here—with my ankles to the heavens and my sense of identity falling all around my head like the lint and loose change from my pockets—I scan the sky for the Light and wonder why it still feels so dark. 

Not too long ago, amid the gentle light of the Advent candles, I found myself aching with remembrance. Sorrow from years of grief called forth by the light limned the halls of my memory with a cold shame I could not shake. Instead of basking in the joy we often expect to feel during the Christmas season, I grieved the ruins of my life—my heart gripped by lament—wondering if God’s promised Light could ever restore the desolation. In this space, God reminded me of the miracle of light sent to his people before the coming of the True Light we celebrate at Advent, a miracle that met God’s people in the ruins, just as it would meet me many years later.

Just last week, God met me in the most unexpected way. I was stirring our bubbling oatmeal as my husband reported the headlines about war escalating overseas and looming snow squalls. Noting his weary face, I imagined mine as weary too, but from somewhere deep within and without, the Spirit enthused my heart. As I looked out the kitchen window, I saw a radiant light beam through the back-wood trees, and I said to my husband, "We will see the sunrise tomorrow, here, or in Heaven." In this somber moment–where there were wars and rumors of wars–our only comfort was the beautiful assurance that, as believers in Jesus Christ, we would wake up tomorrow, either here or in Heaven, in the loving embrace of our Savior. 

I grew up with the inherited belief that details of our family stories should never be shared. To bring personal matters into the light only made room for judgement and gossip. Dark truths needed to be swept under the rug where they belonged. As a writer and in protest to this harmful belief system, I’ve combed for whatever light there is in my story, and I pray it comforts others.  

It’s December 1st. My husband, daughter, and I are making our way back to Ohio after a lovely Thanksgiving weekend spent with my in-laws. You’d expect me to be happy–and I am–yet I can’t help but notice the invasive darkness on the road before us. How it surrounds me, hangs low over me, and reminds me of realities I can’t shake. 

I often wonder about Mary and the tiny nativity she carried in her womb—long before the world embraced her son. I think about Mary, as she gave birth to the Light of the world in a humble burrow in a far-off place—long before she could fully comprehend the gravity of her calling. And I sometimes imagine what it must have felt like for Mary to raise the Son of God as her child—long before she could fathom the darkness she would soon endure because of his destiny.

COMING SOON… The Way Back to Ourselves is honored to present our Advent series at the blog, A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS. Join us throughout the month of December as we make the journey toward Christmas and draw ever near to Christ’s eternal LIGHT. Enjoy powerful and personal essays from Rosa Gilbert, Kristine Amundrud, Donna Bucher, Deborah Rutherford, Heather Lobe Johnson, and Deidre Braley, as they collectively delve into the depths of the human experience and exalt the shining LIGHT of our Savior. We can’t wait to worship in word and wonder with you, so please bookmark this blog so you can return to it in the coming days. It is our hope and prayer that this offering meets you exactly where you are and helps shine Christ’s healing light in your darkest spaces.

Expectations. Do you know that our life is built on them? Think about this for a minute. The moment our feet hit the floor each morning, we enter the realm of expectations. We expect our morning routine to go as usual without interruptions and surprises; we expect our bodies to function as they should; we expect the sun to rise and the kids to behave. We go through the day, expecting to manage our daily tasks and perhaps the day to run smoothly. We expect people to do what they say and keep their promises, at least most of the time. We expect our partners to love us and give us their attention and affection; we expect our friends to be there for us when we need them.

The Way Back to Ourselves is excited to present our feature series, The Artist’s Interview. Each quarter, we talk with amazing creatives about life, faith, art, and everything in between. Check out this interview with Joel Adcock, writer, artist, and musician. Joel is full of authenticity, earthiness, and wisdom. He makes the Gospel accessible with his honest and invitational approach, and he also knows a thing or two about staying faithful throughout the inevitable suffering we face in life. You don’t want to miss this interview, where contributor Steve Veasey and Joel dive deep into life, faith, and the experiences (and artists) who shape us.

When I packed my bag for the Cultivate Retreat, I made sure to bring shorts (for hiking the nearby mountains), a dress (to wear to the professional headshot Mariana Herrera Mosli had so kindly gifted attendees), my pill organizer (containing my various chronic illness treatments), and, against my own will, I packed my nerves (in case of rejection). My chest was tight as I examined and re-examined my suitcase. I was totally prepared, worries and all. There were eleven hours of driving between my little family and Winston-Salem, North Carolina, so I had plenty of time to go over every single worst-case scenario. Just past midnight, the journey began. 

It’s hard to believe that just over two weeks ago, I was at a retreat in Winston-Salem surrounded by faithful creatives I had previously only known on Instagram. I feel like I’m still recovering from meeting some of my favorite people online in person. I’ve been sharing my poetry on Instagram for almost four years. Lately, though, I have been struggling to understand my purpose in a space that sometimes feels more like a product of late-stage capitalism than an interconnected community for creatives.

The Way Back to Ourselves Literary Journal is proud to announce our FALL Collection 2024: THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS, which will be published in November of.2024. Submissions will open September 1-October 1, 2024. Come learn more about our theme, and details. Questions? Email us at thewayback2ourselves@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you! Please be sure to submit your literary journal entries to our new email during the submission window only: editor.twbto@gmail.com.

The Way Back to Ourselves is EXCITED to announce our FIRST-EVER workshop, The Cultivate Retreat. Come join us June 22-23 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, for a BEAUTIFUL weekend of learning, healing, community, and creativity.

The Way Back to Ourselves is EXCITED to announce our FIFTH workshop, The Poetry Hour: Get Writing, Get Published! Come join us for a night of learning, community, and creativity. We will be teaching you powerful craft hacks for your writing, along with how to publish independently, traditionally, and in journals/magazines. Join us May 14, 2024, at 8:30 p.m. EST. Register NOW! Seats are limited. Questions? Email us at thewayback2ourselves@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you! Can’t wait to SEE you again! YOU BELONG HERE.

The Way Back to Ourselves is excited to present our feature series, The Artist’s Interview. Each month, we talk with amazing creatives about life, faith, art, and everything in between. Check out this interview with Alexa Johansen, writer, founder, and publisher at GoldScriptCo.com. Alexa is full of faith, passion, and drive as she pursues her Gold-shaped dream and helps other creatives just like her do the same. You don’t want to miss this interview, where we talk about her journey to founding GoldScriptCo, her doctoral experiences, and practical ways faithful creatives can chase their dreams and honor God’s call in their lives.

Of Wings and Dirt is one woman’s story in poetry, which chronicles her journey through mental and physical illness, infertility and miraculous motherhood, and the wonder and faith that sustained her through it all. In Of Wings and Dirt, Kimberly Phinney intimately and unflinchingly reveals the story of her near-death experiences and survival with the hopes of comforting her readers and pointing them toward the divine—be it in ordinary moments, the natural world, or the nearness of a loving God. We are all made of wings and dirt, and the lines within are a reminder of this holy truth

I’m a big believer in prewriting. Since learning the concept in my junior year of college, I’ve changed how I think about the lifespan of a piece of writing. Is a poem born once the first or final draft is completed? Does the idea count as conception, or is the impetus of the idea the true moment of creation? How much does a changed draft change the piece, and once you’ve reached the final iteration, is that the child finally brought into the world? Before I can answer any of these questions about the beginning of life, I have to stay grounded in prewriting, or in the context of this analogy, pre-birth. “For My Sake” was in the prewriting stage for the last eight years, though I wasn’t aware of that until last fall.

The writing life is just that: a life. So, if you find yourself in the muck and mire of daily living and your wild dreams feel like the rope of time has lassoed itself around them and tamed them, then this post is for you. You write because you are a writer. You write because God made you this way, and quite frankly, he doesn’t make mistakes. Your writing matters—whether 100 or 1,000 or 100,000 people read your words. And because you are a writer, there will be highs and lows. There will be times you toil alone in the dark, and the words you bleed will only be seen by you and God. Other times, they may find a home somewhere out there. And for a blessed group, their writing may find many homes. But writing will always be YOUR HOME, no matter what. So, you must persevere and never stop writing.

The Way Back to Ourselves is excited to present our feature series, The Artist’s Interview. Each month, we talk with amazing creatives about life, faith, art, and everything in between. Check out this interview with Edward Holmes, poet, podcaster, and publisher. Edward is the king of encouragement and hope and uses his many creative talents to cultivate and spread it through a variety of mediums and collaborations. You don’t want to miss this interview, where we deep-dive about his faith, mission, and vision for the world with none other than Steve Veasey, artist, writer, and contributor here at The Way Back to Ourselves.

The Way Back to Ourselves is EXCITED to announce our FOURTH workshop, The Poetry Hour: A Night with Tanner Olson! Come join us for a night of learning, community, and creativity. Tanner will be performing his poetry, chatting about art and faith, and answering your questions. Join us April 2, 2024, at 8:30 p.m. EST. Register NOW! Seats are limited. Questions? Email us at thewayback2ourselves@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you! Can’t wait to SEE you again! YOU BELONG HERE.