Grief
by Jenny Rose Verdoni
I.
Five simple letters.
And a lifetime of emotions.:
Anger.
Sadness.
Pain.
Those feelings so deep in your soul,
you just aren’t sure how to go on—
or if you even can.
The loss:
Of time.
Of love.
Of life.
Did I say everything I needed to say?
I wish we had taken more pictures.
Why couldn’t I have been kinder in some moments?
I need to write down every memory right now,
so I never forget them.
I hope they know how loved they were.
II.
Five simple letters.
Change.
Defeat.
Placidity.
Learning how to do things without them by your side.
The feelings of loneliness when they’re not around—
when they should be.
Staring at the stars and wondering where
in Heaven they could be.
Acceptance.
Hope.
Joy.
The guilt and the questioning you teeter with
when you feel the heaviness subside—
once you finally digest some of the loss.
Am I doing this right?
Will I ever feel normal again?
What even is normal at this point?
III.
Five simple letters.
Trials.
Trauma.
Tribulations.
Oh, but the triumph,
sharing memories, moments, and messages.
Time goes on,
and the grief becomes smaller and smaller:
the laughter you can have with your siblings again,
that song that comes on the radio
and you no longer have to pull over to cry,
the traditions that are remembered and honored fiercely.
An anniversary or a birthday comes around
and you can actually get out of bed.
Messy and mercy.
But teamwork, strength, and persistence.
Ministering to others—and ourselves.
IV.
Grief is a companion—
One that is unwanted and uninvited.
Grief hurts so deeply
because we loved so deeply.
The purpose is far greater,
if you can believe it.
But there is joy in the mourning.
Jenny Rose Verdoni is a twenty-something, Jesus-loving, coffee-drinking, creative mind. She has been a musician since she can remember and has always found a love for expressing herself through writing. Jenny has work published with Odyssey, an online community striving to affect positive social change. During the week, she manages a local music school to enrich young minds through the joy that music can bring. On the weekends, when she isn’t involved in ministry, she is trying new recipes or spending time with her many nieces, nephews, and friends—as well as her dog, Spencer, and leopard gecko, Nova.