Dreams, Death, and Legacy: A Personal Essay

by Gabriella Badmus

I dreamt about my grandmother one evening…

I dreamt about her spirit, her smile, and her vivaciousness. And when I woke up the next day, I wanted to speak to her. I wanted to talk to her on the phone. I wanted to see how she was doing. And ultimately, I wanted to hear her voice.  

But little did I know that this was not going to be possible. 

I thought about my grandfather, and how he would cope without the love of his life by his side. And I wanted to speak to him, too.  

But little did I know that this, too, would not be possible—less than one month later.  

Loss used to seem so distant to me, and life felt like it would last forever. But losing two of my closest family members in the course of only three weeks showed me otherwise. Clichés, proverbs, and Scripture capture this sentiment all the time. Phrases like “every day is a gift,” “life is short,” and “life is a vapor” are everywhere.  

But never had I truly mulled over what that meant until this moment. I pondered over the unspoken words, the heartfelt thoughts, and the future plans with my grandparents that I had mentally stored away. What was I to do with them now?  

The healing process was tedious.

Hours of journaling and prayer brought peace to my system. But for what it was worth, I wanted an answer from the Lord. What was I to learn from this? And how could I make sure that I lived out their spirit in their honor every day as they watched over me? 

My grandparents left an imprint on my life and bestowed their legacy upon my family. They were honorable, embodying every positive character trait there was. But what stood out to me was my grandmother’s effervescent spirit in all circumstances, and my grandfather’s dignity. Both lived honest lives of humility and love, sharing their hearts with the world around them and their children and grandchildren.  

The days since their passing have not been easy, but I have hope, knowing that they are unified with the Lord. And when I think about my grief and the meaning I am trying to find, I am reminded of Romans 8:28:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I know that my grandparents watch over me every day and that when I exude a joyful spirit and treat each day like the special gift that it is, I am carrying their legacy on to others.  

I am carrying their legacy in me, my roots.

Gabriella Badmus is a current second-year law student at Northwestern Pritzker School of Law. She has been writing since her formative years, and she obtained her B.A. from Vanderbilt University in 2021. From songwriting to poetry, Gabriella enjoys the art of creative written expression. She is grateful to her former Advanced Placement Language teacher, Mrs. Kimberly Phinney for constantly encouraging her to pursue her endeavors, inspiring her, and giving her the opportunity to grow as a creator.