This Side of Heaven and Other Poems
by Anokina Shahbaz
THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN
There is no Garden of Eden
On this side of Heaven
I have to keep reminding myself,
Though I keep looking for it
Around every corner
With restless eyes,
Hoping to get a glimpse
Of what a world
Full of unscathed hearts
Looks like.
There is no walking around
In a constant state of rapture
Devoid of shame
Unafraid of shadows,
For I am earth-bound
And far away from my godly home.
I have tried again and again
To recreate the Garden
In my own backyard,
All my attempts—futile
All my toil—in vain
For I am not meant
To place what is holy
On polluted ground.
This is the task
You have set before me—
To stop chasing after the Garden,
And instead, take the seeds
That sprouted it
And plant them in my spirit
That I may bear
The sweet fruit of its trees
And bloom into the imperfect human
You have created me to be.
This is the path
You would have me walk—
Covered in endless grace,
Cherished and undeniably loved
By my Creator
And hopeful that I can still
Plant something sincere and lasting
On this side of Heaven
That God can deem worthy
Of flourishing.
HOW WE ARRIVE AT SURRENDER
Even in the darkness of the soil
Light can enter,
Deep beneath the layers
Of veiled protection
We carry around like gold—
An innocence lingers
Desperate for regard,
Waiting for affirmation
To lift it upward.
The sweet breaking of the seedling
Is necessary
For the bud to form,
The unseen struggle
In the rooted places
The silent battle for emergence,
Pushing skyward
Against the weight of stone and sod.
And so it is with God’s work
In the recesses of our heart,
Fractures illuminated into stories—
The wrecking that He allows
To deepen our faith.
This is how we arrive at surrender
Sweetly broken, longing for dawn,
Our muddied scars
Prepared to ripen
Into radiant beams of hope,
Our yielded hearts
Finally ready
To be anchored to God’s word.
For we are fearfully
And wonderfully made
In the amnion of His grace,
Once dust, now blossom
Built on an abundance
Of answered prayers,
No longer desperate for anything
But more of Him.
ANOKINA SHAHBAZ
Anokina Shahbaz is a contemplative writer, poet, and seeker of meaning and miracles. She writes about faith, creativity, and the human condition. In her writing, she aims to fathom all the pain we carry, and ultimately, to lighten it—even just a little.
Her work has been featured in The Way Back to Ourselves, MeetMindful, Elephant Journal, and Rebelle Society. She lives in the beautiful suburbs of Chicago with her husband.
You can read more from her on her website at www.anokinawrites.com or on Instagram @anokinashahbaz.